Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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