he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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