She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
