The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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