here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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