Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
