How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
