we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
