it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
