i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
