I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
