Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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