you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
