so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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