Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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