i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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