Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I skipped work to stalk him.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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