my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
