just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
