My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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