I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
