Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
