HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
