I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
