this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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