I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
