Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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