Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
