does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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