I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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