i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
