Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
