So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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