I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
