why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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