If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
