I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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