o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
