Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Couch. On fire.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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