Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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