K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
