WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
