i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
