she woke up with a sticky ear
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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