I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
