So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
