That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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