Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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