the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
