NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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