i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
