The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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