so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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