Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
