Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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