I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
